I’ve been struggling with some physical problems that have been causing me a severe lack of sleep. A few nights ago I gave Mum half a sleeping tablet to try & help us both. It didn’t help her sleep. It made her delirious, climbing down the stairs (which she generally doesn’t do once she’s gone up to bed) to tell me she was worried because she had already been down 10 times & I had been out for hours (I had been in the lounge for the 2 hours since she went to bed) and then to deal with her still being awake all night.
Today I am physically incapacitated due to skeletal problems. No sleep last night due to my pain, Mum of course had a good night. Irony is the one of the baines of my life lol.
Half an hour to get my body out of bed whilst still yelling in pain etc. That’s fine, I can deal with muscular pain, however, Mum dealing with it is something completely different. She thinks when I’m not feeling well that I’m grumpy with her because she forgets that I’m not feeling well. Finally she goes to bed & I decide a full sleeping tablet will shortly give her a good sleep, keep her safe & give me a break to just ‘be’ with my pain but no!
She’s just half way down the stairs, after being up there for 2 hours, delirious, wants a Bacardi & coke, why am I home & why am I not out?
i had plans today & several ideas & offers of plans tonight. My body not allowing me to partake is one thing but to then not be able to chill, recharge & just ‘be’ while I’m not feeling okay is another.
I don’t mean or want to sound negative. I will ride & breathe through it as I do. Just good to share sometimes that it’s never ending, nobody to break that cycle for me, cook me dinner, pour my wine, rub my feet. I’m trying to do really well at having my time for me away from home but actually what’s missing is my time for me (being pampered) in my own home I guess.
Just my ramblings for Easter 2018 :-))))