Mum said “When you next iron the wooden shelves”
Mum’s father who was a chest consultant, apparently ran a clinic one night a week for people who farted too much!
Mum tucked a label in on my top & said “I’m just tucking your battery in”
Mum was doing up the buttons of her raincoat and said “I’ll be warmer once I’ve done up my towels”
Looking at my friends pretty nails “did the NHS do them for you?”
Mum asked me “Do you want the tubes (boots) for your legs upstairs?”
A stick covered in plastic to teach Dad if he was retired???!!!
Mum opened a box of Bendick’s chocolates. Giggling away she said “It’s been years since I bent a dick!”
I was told by Mum “You’re just making a chat so you can address yourself to help yourself!” I have no idea what that means or where it came from…..
Craig David performance on TV. Mum loved his voice & at the end said “That’s why I never get drunk, you don’t know how you’re going to behave & you may be sick!”
Top of the Pops. Film of Beyonce with an award. Mum said “I don’t know who she is but he looked very happy sucking that award thing.”
Mum said “This song leaves me dead!”
I said “Maybe flat would be more appropriate than dead? Dead is a bit dramatic?!”
Mum said “Yes you’re right. It leaves me fat!”
Mum “Do we have a calendar?”
Me “Yes”
Mum “Good, it makes me more religious!”
Shocked that the postman was wearing shorts in cold weather Mum said “His legs will be cold & it will make him worse in bed!”
“I used to come to the Victoria (Threemilestone pub) on my way to the airport to fly to Ibiza & buy lots of food to take home, they loved it in Ibiza!”
Mum said “I forgot to say Happy New Year to the taxi driver!” Good job as it was 1st May!
Mum asked me “Where did I get this shirt?” I said Matalan. Mum said “Where’s that, Spain?”
Last time Mum & I walked passed the flea market she told me that they sell cages full of fleas as pets!
Mum got annoyed that her digital watch had been saying 12 for a while but the numbers after it are changing all the time!