I’m appreciating more and more that I CHOSE this role in caring for mum. I meet so many carers, not just for people suffering from mental ill health, who are married to someone, they get sick & then they feel they have no choice but to take care of them. This often brings a lot of resentment as it’s not something they signed up for & it’s hard work with sometimes little or absolutely no reward.
I was lucky enough to make the CHOICE to move in with mum and care for her. Okay, when I moved in I thought it would be temporary but regardless, I CHOSE to stay.
I struggled in the first few months not working. Not just because of suddenly having no income but because I kind of felt like a fraud, lazy & just not playing my part in society I guess. As time went on I began to realise that THIS is my job, caring for mum & like any job I’ve ever had, I want to do the best I can, learn all I can about my position & earn my (money) rewards.
So I am learning all I can about dementia, volunteering to help others in the same or similar situations & generally doing all I can to make mum’s days or moments as good as they can be, and mine. We were trying to make new memories but really they are just moments, happy in the moment, forgotten the next.
I am so blessed to be in this role. So blessed that my mum is one of the most caring, compassionate & funny people I know. I am blessed that even though I’ve probably become rather co-dependant, I am aware of it, learning about it & acknowledging that yes my best days are when I feel she’s been stimulated in a balanced way but that I need to be okay with the days when she’s not, still be happy with me.
She won’t get better, it won’t get easier, it will always be changing & needing flexibility but while we can laugh & love & appreciate each day together, life just isn’t that bad at all. We are blessed!