Mum’s just going to put her omelette in her bag. Actually her scarf!!!
Mum just said she needs some sucky sweets in her vegetable suit, no wetsuit, no raincoat!
Lady on TV called Mindy. I said to Mum, “Thanks for not calling me Mindy” She said “You’re welcome. I can’t remember where I got the name April from!”
Mum & I were waiting for a car to move in a car park to let us get out the other day. She said “That cars oven is running, not oven onion, no MACHINE!”
Mum said “What does it say on your branch that’s on the plug?” Meaning what my jumper on the radiator hahaha
Driving Mum to her day centre & she looks up to the sky & says “There’s a lot of blue in the roof today!”
Whilst driving I was told “You missed the turn! The restaurant is down there where we’re going to buy pegs!” I said “We’re going to take another turn to the post office to buy stamps.” That’s what I meant” she said.
We were driving to a friends place for a cuppa & Mum said “I forgot to check my bag for beer cubes?”
I can normally work out what she’s trying to say but not this time so I asked her to think about it & maybe come up with a different word. Turns out she meant teabags?! She lost it laughing saying she hates beer (which is true) & never has anything cubed shaped in her bag & so “Where the *uck did that come from?”
Mum said “If we’re ever struggling for money, don’t hesitate to sell my vagina!” She meant jewellery, though I have no idea what jewellery she thinks she has that is worth selling lol.
“I thought about having a Bacardi when we came out of prison today” Meaning hospital
“Aren’t electric blankets great? When we used to use hot water bottles, you’d wake up at 1am & have to bake another cake!” Or maybe ‘boil another kettle’?
Trying to say pen went “Peg, knife, pen!”
“Every duck, every bird, every cat I’ve ever had ate chicken!”
“When we get home I want a biscuit & a cup of red tea full of retirement bits!”
Mum trying to tell me that she’s putting the water spray bottle on the bottom shelf of the cupboard.
“I’m putting the fizzy on the ground floor!”
Mum showed me her vest & said “That’s not thyroid is it?” I think she meant thermal.
An ‘on fire’ day consisted of:
The wheels on the car are wings, her pills are pads, kitchen towels are tea towels & the shed is a ship! All pretty close, oh and soup for lunch & she insist we need forks!
Apparently we have a swimming pool in our kitchen? Oh no it’s the fridge.
Our magnesium tablets this morning were ‘petals’ & Mum doesn’t want to try the new (nutty) Kinder Choco sweets cos they have ‘bones’ in them!