Mum just said “I’ll do some of the ironing. I create most of it because I am the cotton drinker!”
Apparently every time Mum has been to the loo today she’s “Done a candy box!”
Mum said “I’d better go & check the clothes on the airer, they’ll be healed now!”
Watching the Surfs movie & Mum just told them they’re “all dickheads!”
Mum wants the HomePride man to come for dinner!!!!
Mum told my boyfriend that my best friend was in the same movie as her stepmother!
I have to confess I don’t have permission to share this one but I’m going to anyway. Mum & I just got in the car park at Tesco’s & she realised she had no bottom teeth in! We can’t stop laughing!!
The joys of trying to set volumes on a new landline phone with a demented mother who keeps answering!!!!
Mum & I went Tesco shopping in Truro. As we drove into the car park she said “I thought we were going into Truro?” I said that we are in Truro but not actually going into town. I was put right with:
“Truro is not a town it’s a city! The only city in Iceland!!!” Well that told me!
Mum said “My Father was taken to court for damaging a patient’s handbag because he accidentally kicked it in his clinic!” It was apparently okay though because he sent a member of staff.
Apparently a week or so ago we were rummaging through the grass near Sainsbury’s looking for a small animal that may bite!
Arrived at Mum’s Podiatrists & she offered to wait int he car. I told her she can’t have her feet done in the car & she replied with “I thought we were picking up a dog or a cat to look after for the week!”
Mum keeps asking me if she has a card for her hotel. Lol, no idea?!?!
Mum said something wrong & then said “I was probably being a bit wanky!”
Mum & I are were watching a movie about a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel who can sing. Mum is blown away that dog could sing like this & in such a human voice.
Watching You’ve Been Framed. A glider crash landed & tipped up onto it’s nose. Mum said “God, that’s never happened to me before!”
Mum dressed herself after a nap & came down in her thermal vest ontop of her long sleeved t-shirt.
When Mum worked at Harrods (true) & complained that she wanted to be taller, they tried to help her by giving her pills!!!
Watching Surfs with a constant dialogue about it (from Mum). She said “Cats would be nicer if they were blue!”
Mum told my friend not to smash her children too hard, just a little bit of smashing when they need it!?!?!
Mum says you should ‘lick’ your children when they do something good!
Back in 2016 the GP’s didn’t believe how often Mum is up in the night so Mum had to keep a record at night. She wrote times next to: Bed & Up but at 5.50am she didn’t write Bed or Up, she wrote IAN! Lol
When my Brother was looking after Mum she told him “Rachel treats me nicely – most of the time!”
I take Mum out for a drink at least once a week. My Brother was looking after her & suggested they went out for a drink & she said “Yes please I haven’t been out for weeks!”
Mum told my Brother “Rachel’s Dad has died, on Christmas Day. She came home after 30 minutes & I said that she was quick & she told me ‘Dad has died’. I said I’m so sorry is there anything I can do to make it easier? but Rachel said ‘No, but don’t mention it again!” She forgets that she came with me to his cottage on Christmas Day, one of the few blessings of dementia.
Mum told my Brother “One time Dad punched Rachel. I stopped him & asked what he was doing. He said he thought she was a boy!”
Mum asked my Brother “Has your friend gone?” He asked “What friend?” Mum said “The girl that was sitting here this afternoon” He replied “There was no one here & it’s the morning!” Mum said “Oh, I used to have a boy here but he died!”
Mum had been out of bed for 2 hours one morning with my Brother, comes into the living room with her nighttime flask of tea made and says “Goodnight!”
Mum told my Brother “I wanted to get rid of the car but Rach wanted to keep it!”
I took mum to get her passport photos done a couple of years back in the machine at the post office that talks to you, advising you how to sit etc. I told Mum she wasn’t to smile but just keep looking at the camera etc.
Machine says to Mum “Are you ready?” Mum goes “Yes thank you!” with a huge smile!!! A guy waiting to do his photos cracked up laughing and said “Oops, I think you’ll have to go through all of that again, she smiled!” Next time I told Mum don’t smile OR talk to the machine.
After Mum believing that should get rid of all of her cd’s because she no longer wants to listen to music (haha), I persuaded her to play though them each night while we were having dinner. We started with a 60’s cd which caused dancing in her seat & singing! We listened to 2 60’s cd’s & the next morning her usual humming of Jingle Bells had changed to singing a song. A 60’s song you ask? Nope! A French song, in French!!!
As I hung the last of the pictures in the lounge Mum says “There’s a picture missing of me upstairs. A huge one of me that was on the wall?”
We went upstairs & she showed me the gap on the bathroom wall where her Betty Boop towel usually hangs. I had no idea my Mum was Betty Boop!!!
Mum said she she felt sorry for the lady at the restaurant over the road where we had my Birthday lunch who had marks all over her body. Mum couldn’t deal with the blue & green things on her plate, passed it to my table & the lady told her off! WHA?????
Watching Mary Poppins with Mum & she’s singing, dancing & laughing hysterically. Of course she’s “Never seen this before!”
Mum asked me when we are getting our dog? Apparently a man said the other day that he was giving us a dog!
Mum said that all this time we’ve been visiting Uncle John & she didn’t realise until yesterday that he was the man from the stage show. The one that’s on TV???
Mum feels the cold because she had some cancer & the doctors told her that that’s why she gets chilly!
Mum said that when we got our dog Pandora, the vet said that she was only going to live for 6 months because she had tried to commit suicide before!
After a visit to Mum’s GP she said to me “I adore him!” Then felt it necessary to add “Not sexually!”
Picking Mum up from her day centre with chocolate around her mouth. Her favourite thing in the world, that & Bacardi & coke. When I told her she said “I haven’t had chocolate, I hate chocolate!”
Mum “What’s a hickey?”
Friend “A love bite”
Mum “Oh I’ll have to ask Rachel if she wants a hickey from me!”
Mum “We rescued a dog when the kids were young (true, I was about 12 I think) & she was in such a bad way we had to take her straight to the ventriloquist!”
Mum said “Thank you for the music it’s memory stimulating!”
Me “Great what memories has it stimulated?”
Mum “I can’t remember!”